Held by God

It is the day after Mustafa’s big and very long surgery. As I entered the hospital room, I found his mum sitting in the chair next to his bed, her face showing the amount of concern and worry she was carrying. This picture appeared quite surreal, since both Mustafa and his mum are usually very joyful and filled with life, but it was real. The moment Mustafa’s mum saw me, a weak smile appeared on her face. Her usually lively eyes showed now how tired she was. She couldn’t get a lot of sleep during the night, her worries for Mustafa kept her awake.

One of the doctors approached us and updated us on Mustafa’s condition. Mustafa had stopped bleeding, but his heart still needs a lot of support. His heart rate was indicating an arrhythmia and the doctors were discussing how to proceed. We were blessed with a very kind and patient doctor who explained precisely what was going on. Mustafa’s mum took the update strongly and although her heart must be filled with anxiety, she expressed her thankfulness towards the hospital team.

Mustafa’s mum and I left the ICU to take a small walk on the floor. I was filled with a helplessness since there is nothing that I can physically do. I can’t take away the worry, nor help Mustafa. Even though our human strength and possibilities are limited, God reigns over every circumstance and He knows exactly what His children need in every situation of their life. I started praying a song that I had been listening to on the drive to the hospital:

“Oh, God, would you hold her tonight? 

‘Cause I’m not there to stay close

Keep watch, tell her she’s not alone

Hold her tonight”

Hold her by for KING AND COUNTRY

These words expressed perfectly what I was feeling – and God held her. Mustafa’s mum was able to find a little bit of sleep and rest in the waiting room. God silenced the storm in her head and she fell asleep. As she woke up, Helen and Marilyn went to her and kept her company. Halbast’s mum brought food and Mustafa’s mum was finally able to eat a little. Surrounded by these loving people, Mustafa’s mum regained strength. Since God knows exactly what it feels like to see your own son suffer, he knew what Mustafa’s mum needed.

Alike with his mum also Mustafa regained some strength, in the second update from the doctor we were informed about some improvement. They decided to tackle the arrhythmia with Amiodaron and his blood showed that his heart was working stronger than before. The doctor described this as “small steps in the right direction.”

As we left, Mustafa’s strong mum thanked us and the praying community for all that we do.

Leaving the hospital I kept on repeating this prayer for her, that even though the night might be dark and seem lonely, she will feel God’s arms wrapped around her.